Dear land dwellers,
I’m sitting here on the plane and noticed a few things that need some redesigning. First and foremost, the seating arrangements. I would prefer an arm rest I don’t have to share and specifically on a chair that reclines back (no matter how hard I try to push the button, the seat will not budge). Another opportunity for redesign is the amount of bathrooms on this plane. I swear, everytime I look up it’s occupied. Although I’m in the window seat (which we love), the downside is I’m not the type of gal to make my row all stand as I make my way to the portapotty in the air.
So here I sit, full bladder and all, snacking on the same graham crackers I did on the last flight (RIP Southwest peanuts). I’m not much of a movie watcher and all the will power in the world won’t make me sleep on a plane, so this is a prime opportunity for my mind to take itself for a couple of laps…
The first lap was about how great my trip was, I was in NC and the amount of greenery in that state made this Texas gal green with envy. The next lap was about school. Ironic how you can fly above the clouds and have a cloud looming in your mind knowing your summer is coming to an end with each mile the pilot collects. Thinking about school coming again comes with mixed feelings. I’m borderline distraught at how fast summer went by and am in mourning with all my fellow educators. But at the same time, It will be nice to get into a routine again, meet my next class family and be reunited with coworkers who bond over the questioning of our professions. (My fellow teachers know what I’m talking about. We love what we do but there is a reason we get a long break, am I right?! #drivehomeinsilencecrew)
On this flight I’ve already realized how much I really do miss my students. On both flights I have been seated next to a child. The first flight was next to a mom holding her one year old son. I got to help hold the sweet kiddo in batman pajamas while his single mother filled his bottle for the third time just to keep him from squirming. This flight back, I am sitting next to a sweet third grader. Of course the teacher in me couldn’t help but ask her what grade she was in knowing full well she was close to the age of my students. After telling her I was a teacher, the tears she had about not sitting with her relatives stopped and she warmed up a bit. Fast forward to now, she has shown me what she is building on her ipad and I have opened the second bag of graham crackers for her. I’d say we are friends now 🙂
Which brings me back to the mental laps I have been taking on this plane. Now on lap three, I can’t help but wonder about the pattern I am seeing as God placed me on these flights. People believe the universe brings you to what you welcome and radiate to others. I know I love kids and they gravitate to me (picture the only person a baby smiles at…that’s me). I don’t know why, but wherever I am, I end up making friends with the kids. Call it the positive/negative charges of the universe or what have you. Some would even say it’s because I am just a child at heart, and I would have to agree with them. Maybe it’s my friendly orah and that I’m just good with kids. But as I run this lap in my mind, I can’t help but wonder if this is something GOD is trying to tell me about my story. Could God be opening up my eyes to my motherly nature? Telling me not to give up on my hope for the next chapter in my life? The overwhelming hope and want to be a mother?
I’ll be honest friends, being in your single 30s, you start to question if motherhood is written in your story. Being past the marriage and baby announcements of my younger sister’s friends. Past the “when will come my time” and on the brink of “will my time come?” It really is a horrible feeling brought on by the societal pressures to not be a geriatric mother (although I do have a very close friend who had all three of her beautiful daughters after 35 and proves how the age of a mother doesn’t determine the quality of mother) Just to be hit by yet another tv show following 20-something year olds searching for love saying they are “running out of time.” (insert eye roll)
So as I sit here on the plane traveling back to the reality of singleness in an empty apartment I have two choices:
- See the past/present circumstances as more ammo towards self pity
- Sit and listen
Listen and be a curious child of God. Ask Him why and when without a preimposed answer. Maybe these moments are whispers from God telling me it will all be ok, that my longing for marriage and motherhood are still present in my heart despite my prayers to remove it because it actually is in His plan for me.
Sit. Wait. You are not forgotten. I have you here for a reason. Your time will come
So as I open up yet another bag of graham crackers for the little girl next to me on the plane, I thank God for the gift of having a motherly intuition. And I walk off the plane with a hopeful listening ear knowing God doesn’t give gifts he doesn’t intend to have us use.
Sincerely,
A girl with a hopeful motherly intuition
Romans 12:12 – “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.”
Psalm 37:4 – “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”